It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
