Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
