Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
