Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
