I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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