when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
