I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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