Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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