I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
