I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
