Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
