I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
