Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
