I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
