i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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