He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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