I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
