Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
