I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
