i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
