too bad you live with your parents still
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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