My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
