My balls are so social today.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
