Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
