I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He felt like a one man threesome
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We are all done wearing pants today
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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