we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
