why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you will always have a special place in my vag
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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