k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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