I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
