Kiss
Puke
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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