"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
