I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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