Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
