Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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