Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
