so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Verdict: uncircumcised.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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