Will you blow on my dice?
Can Purell be used as lube?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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