We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
