I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
do herpes really smell.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
