you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
