there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize