I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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