I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
