I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
