I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
