if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
there is glitter all over my balls
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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