I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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