My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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