It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
