Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
