Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
