There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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